Most heterosexual women, who have spent any time single, have experienced at least one bad date, maybe scores. The odds go up with internet dating, I’m told. Some bad dates are just boring; some turn into a battle of wills as was recently documented in a Babe.net article describing a date between an anonymous woman, called “Grace”, and actor/comedian/filmmaker Aziz Ansari. Clearly this was a bad date.
The Aziz Rift
In my home, I now refer to the aftermath of this highly publicized event as the Aziz Rift. Several members of my family, who will go unnamed, think this story is grossly unfair. I’m of the mind that some degree of privacy is forfeited for fame, fortune and celebrity. I don’t believe Aziz is a sexual predator; I do believe he is a clod, however. Hopefully most of us know the difference.
Just Say No…in many languages
The question I’ve heard asked (mostly by men) is why didn’t “Grace” just say no and leave. In reading her account, it appears she did say no but did not leave right away. I bet she was hoping things would get better after she said no nicely. I imagine she didn’t want to create a scene; she wanted to be sweet; she wanted to act the way all girls are trained to act: polite.
Time Out for Time’s Up Pin
Apparently, what ticked off “Grace” and prompted her to share her story, was seeing Ansari at the Golden Globes with a Time’s Up pin on his lapel. This rather clueless accessorizing reminds me why I don’t put a “Black Lives Matter” poster in my yard. I’m a freakin’ white girl who has led a privileged life; what do I know from Black struggles??
During the 2016 presidential campaign I purchased a t-shirt emblazoned with “Nasty Woman.” Perhaps we need tattoos with the same message to prompt us to act nasty when needed. Short of being nasty and lonely, the dialogue we must have is how men and women can openly TALK about their feelings, their desires and their fears without worrying about judgment. I once heard Gloria Steinem say that, as a group, women struggle with depression and men struggle with narcissism. This makes dating a potential landmine.
I’m sorry Aziz was made into the poster child for bad dates but I’m way sorrier about many other issues. My guess is that he’ll bounce back and have a good life in spite of this set back. (He’s 34 years old with a net worth estimated at $18 million. He can afford some good therapy.) In the meantime, I’m keeping my opinions just between me and you, gentle reader.