Ambushed by Busyness

Busyness has become a status symbol for us working stiffs.  Enter a room of networking professionals and you’ll hear the common whine: Oh, I’m so busy. Or ask someone the throw-away question: “How are you?” and likely you’ll hear the bragging-complaint: “Busy.”  

Busyness wasn’t always something to brag about.  In the 19th century, the affluent were distinguished from the peasants by their leisure time. The definitive status symbol was the freedom not to work.

Up the Down Escalator

No doubt, we will get accolades from our supervisors and managers if we just say “yes” to requests, if we’re the last one to leave the office, and if we answer emails and texts into the wee hours.  Everyone knows this is not healthy but the pressure to acquiesce is intense.

Our relationships are sure to suffer. Relationships must be nurtured with time and energy; busyness robs us of that time and energy.  And oftentimes our physical and mental health nosedives; something has to give.

Looking for Love…

Tragically, our self-worth may be confused with busyness, and we tend to use this same busyness barometer to evaluate others’ worth. “We measure our worth not by the results we achieve but by how much time we spend doing whatever we’re doing.” says Oliver Burkeman, popular British journalist and author of personal growth books. Of course, using busyness as a measure of worth makes little sense, but another downside of being crazy-busy is that it clouds our vision; we make poor choices and judgments.

Busyness and Stress

Busyness correlates with stress and stress correlates with depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation and a host of other negative side effects.  Some of us have a serious busy addiction.  We fill up our calendars with activities to numb us from ourselves.  Because no one suggests a 12-step program when we brag-complain about our busyness, we continue like rats on a running wheel until exhaustion forces us to stop –and it will eventually.

The Gender Gap

Women are particularly vulnerable to the busyness trap because we aim to please, we are always trying to prove ourselves worthy and we have the lion’s share of childcare responsibilities and household chores (still!). Even women who are primary breadwinners in their families spend considerably more time on childcare and household chores than their partners (regardless of their partners’ employment status). 

Seeming Busy

I recently audited my time and discovered enormous time-sucking activities.  Similar to taking an inventory of your food and beverage consumption, taking a hard look at how you spend your time is eye-opening: revelatory. 

I discovered that I spend too much time checking my devices for emails and texts, reading newsfeeds, looking at videos sent by friends, and running around attending networking events.  The impetus for doing a time audit was the realization that I wasn’t doing what I needed to do: write. 

Go Home

I had a supervisor many years ago who would walk around the building after hours and tell the stragglers to go home.  (This was—and is— quite unusual and evolved.)  I was occasionally one of those stragglers and would often reply, “I’m too tired to go home.”  Although this was my attempt at levity, it was actually true.  I was getting NOTHING done by staying late but packing up my stuff and driving home seemed like too much effort.

Of course, I could have gone to the gym or arranged to meet someone for a run or walk, which I learned to do later in my career.  When I suited up for exercise, I would sometimes feel guilty being among the early group to leave the office, but staying late for the sake of staying late is bonkers.

Have you ever walked around the office late in the day to see what others are doing?  Chances are the lingerers are accomplishing very little.

Excuses

Sometimes saying you’re too busy to attend an event that doesn’t interest you is just a convenient excuse.  It seems more polite than just declining without an excuse.  My friend, Karen, used to decline invitations using her signature quip: “Sorry, this isn’t part of my vision.”

Using busyness as an excuse to decline an event is socially acceptable and even somewhat believable.  As Woody Allen once said after receiving an invitation to a social event: “I’d love to attend but I just thought of an excuse.”

The danger is when we start believing our own excuses. Glorifying busyness is buying into the illusion that what we are doing is important.

Escape the Trap

Almost 20 years ago, I was working for a large high-tech company in Seattle. I was in a team meeting in early November, when the discussion turned to whether or not we should work on Thanksgiving Day.  I had an “out of body experience.” My life flashed before me and I realized spending my days working on projects that had little meaning for me was not how I wanted my final chapter to read. That was the day I decided to return to graduate school to get credentialed in school counseling.

As morbid as this may sound, contemplating one’s death helps align one’s values with daily activities.  So, if you died today or tomorrow or next week, would you be satisfied with how you are spending your time?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver