Reclaiming Lost Values
Much has been written about how the Covid-19 pandemic has exposed our societal values: who gets medical attention and who doesn’t; who must compromise their health for a paycheck and who gets to work from home; who has a home and who lives on the streets or in detention centers or prisons.
The pandemic is also a time to reexamine our personal values in the harsh light of health and economic crises. This time can really force our hand at inspecting our values and how they align with our actions and our behaviors. In the words of writer Annie Dillard: How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
We’re experiencing a period of great loss; some have lost loved ones, some have lost jobs, all of us have lost our routines. It may be hard to see this interval in a positive light but the break from our hectic lives allows us to turn inward to find meaning. Grief expert and author, David Kessler writes: “When circumstances are at their worst, you can find your best.”
Finding meaning or purpose is what keeps us going when the ground beneath us is shifting. We are clueless about what the future holds and always have been. Our current crisis pulls back the curtain on our false beliefs about predicting future outcomes— from the stock market and the weather to more significant issues such as our own health and that of our loved ones. More than ever, now is the when we all need to examine our values and how we’ll spend our days post-pandemic.
Vanity Takes a Break
Early in our sheltering-in-place days (roughly ten years ago —or so it seems), I was on a webinar during which one of presenters held up her hands and declared she removed her artificial nails. She was adding to the long list of how our lives have changed, including our self-care routines.
At the time of my father’s death, I was experimenting with artificial nails, which had me tethered to the nail salon every few weeks. Although nothing shut down when my father died, I felt that running to the salon while I was grieving did not make sense—and hasn’t made sense in the twenty-five years since his death. I told myself that spending so much time and money on that activity was beside the point.
When I use that expression, beside the point (which I do often), I mean the activity is no longer relevant to my life: it lacks meaning. I’ve abandoned many an activity using that turn of phrase, including inconsequential meetings and unfulfilling relationships.
Currently people are risking their lives for haircuts and color; I imagine they don’t see it through that lens, however. For some of us who have been living with our grays, we may realize that the gray isn’t as bad as we thought. Perhaps gray hair, artificial nails, fancy cars, and other decorative aspects of our lives are simply beside the point.
The Changing Face of Work
Vanity aside, once an activity is no longer available or is optional, we see its value more clearly. Our technology has allowed some of us to work from home. Forced to do so, employers currently view working remotely as both possible and preferable.
Back in the early 2000’s, I was working for a technology company near Seattle (take a guess) that was one of the pioneers in making working remotely possible. Since I had a long commute to their campus, I proposed working from home. I was denied the request, even for one measly day a week. The company, like many others in our past, had an inherent distrust of employees left to their own devices, quite literally.
I’ve read that many companies are now considering permanently allowing those who can (maybe a third of the workforce) to work remotely. I’m starting to eye all my pre-pandemic activities with suspicion. Which of these activities are on point and which are beside the point?
Aligning Values with Work
Because career counseling/coaching is part of my practice, I have been privy to private conversations with individuals who are currently unemployed or underemployed. Although all are experiencing stress and grief over losing their jobs, many have realized (on some level) that their jobs did not align with their personal or work values.
In many cases, these folks found their work environment toxic. This small sample is representative of the larger population of workers. According to recent polls, few people— only thirty to forty percent of the work force—report being satisfied with their jobs. Any way you cut those statistics, that leaves the majority of workers unhappy with their work lives to one degree or another.
When the wolves are at the door, any job will do. But working for a paycheck doesn’t correlate with job satisfaction. We know we must do what we need to do—those who complained about their work pre-pandemic might gladly take those shitty jobs backs right now.
One of the early activities I present to my career-seeking clients is one in which they rank a long list of work values from most important to least important. This is a nonscientific activity which is as unreliable as the weather, meaning our values can be volatile and changing. If the basic needs of adequate food and shelter are not met, all the higher order stuff, such as belonging and a sense of purpose, go out the window.
When our basic needs are met, however, working only for money feels hollow. The last job I left as an employee lacked some basic “hygiene” needs; my working hours sucked and the physical plant was not up to first-world standards. Nevertheless, those hygiene needs were not the driving force behind my departure. The job lacked a few critical ingredients for me: respect and recognition.
With at least a quarter of the workforce unemployed or underemployed, the immediate future may not allow for us to ponder our higher-level values but, in some respects, the genie is out of the bottle. Assuming some companies will rise from the ashes and some new organizations will be born, a time will come when we can seek and obtain meaningful work that aligns with our values.
Clarifying our values and reclaiming those we may have abandoned are worthwhile undertakings to explore now and forever. How do you want to live your life in the uncertain period that remains for you?