Never Let a Good Crisis Go to Waste
I’ve heard some version of the phrase, “Never let a good crisis go to waste”, uttered by a number of people over the past few weeks including politicians and Buddhist practitioners. Upon researching the roots of this phrase, I wasn’t able to uncover a definitive originator. Some believe Winston Churchill said this during WWII, but others, including a few of his biographers, have refuted that claim.
The origin of the quote is less important than the spirit of it. A “good” crisis brings out the best and the worst. As I’ve been known to say, our job is keeping our upsides up and our downsides down. When things are humming along without too much disruption, we can get a bit lax in self-reflection. The most growth occurs in the eye of the storm.
The Best Version of You
As I sit at my computer with unstyled, unwashed hair and in the same palazzo pants (otherwise known as leisurewear) that I’ve worn all week, I find it difficult to understand how this crisis can help me be the best version of myself.
I get irritated with federal government officials, with the old and young ignoring physical distancing, with toilet paper hoarders, and price gougers. The list goes on. What I know, for sure, is that carrying around this anger/rage does me no good.
Being in close quarters with partners, roommates, and children day after day is challenging our patience and our goodwill. Being alone day after day isn’t much better. The experts, along with those who have survived horrors, tell us we can self-regulate and learn from our “negative” emotions.
Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, author, AND Holocaust survivor, has graced us with many insights into overcoming adversity. One of his more famous quotes was: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Since my early days as a counselor, I have been a self-styled behaviorist. I believe that sometimes behavior change has to proceed attitude shift. Sometimes we have to act a certain way before we can feel as certain way. In other words, we have to act like the best version of ourselves before we believe we are the best version of ourselves.
Attribution Theory
As social creatures, we tend to ascribe motives to our behavior and the behavior of others. We may assign motives based on internal tendencies; i.e. one’s disposition. We may also assign motives based on a particular situation.
For example, if a friend, colleague or partner consistently interrupts you, you may attribute this annoyance to a need to control or overpower you. On the other hand, you could attribute this behavior to situational stress and anxiety.
Attribution theory is a way to explain our interactions and actions. Research indicates that we’re inclined to attribute internal (dispositional) reasons to others’ negative behaviors more than we do to our own. As an example, if a friend (or loved one) fails to honor a promise, we might label them as untrustworthy. Conversely, if we fail to honor a promise, we may look for external reasons such as being given too much responsibility.
The danger in attributing internal reasons to others’ misdeeds is that we start building a case against them. Using the above example, if we ascribe untrustworthiness to someone, we continue to find examples to support our theory or belief.
Of course, the hazard in overusing situational attribution to explain behavior (our own and others’) is that personal responsibility is obscured. The devil made me do it. During this trying time, however, cutting others (and ourselves) some slack is warranted. Best to be biased in the direction of attributing good intentions to others’ actions and explain behaviors as being situational.
Practicing Humility
Humility is the ability to see someone else’s point of view and the willingness to admit being wrong or not knowing. It is the opposite of being boastful and prideful. Practicing humility takes courage and self-forgiveness.
During these uncertain times, one thing is certain: we’re going to be our imperfect selves. We’re going to say and do things that we wish we hadn’t. Being willing and able to express remorse and move on not only heals relationships but builds character.
Angela Duckworth, psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania, knows about the importance of building character. She is the founder and CEO of the nonprofit organization, Character Lab. Duckworth says, “When things are a struggle, you develop a kind of character and tenacity and humility and work ethic that you might not have otherwise developed.”
Developing character does not mean hiding from one’s less-desirable traits, nor does it entail self-flagellation. According to Frank Ostaseski, Buddhist teacher and author, during challenging times, in particular, we must lead with our humanity: the good, bad and the ugly. Our undesirable traits allow us to be empathic as well as relatable. This, I believe, is yet another face of humility.
Stay Home, Go Inside
One of the primary mantras of our pandemic is: “Stay at Home” (along with “wash your freakin’ hands”). In addition to staying home, I suggest we Go Inside by using this crisis as a time for self-reflection and exploration of our attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs -- including those that help us be the best version of ourselves as well as those that limit us. This crisis will not be wasted if staying home and going inside result in being physically safe, emotionally strong and more prepared for the next crisis.