Salvaging Social Skills
On my daily pre-pandemic walks, I typically greeted passersby with a smile and a verbal acknowledgment. These days, when I see others approaching, I give them a wide berth and rarely say a word. And when grocery shopping, my goal is to finish that task quickly and with as little human interaction as possible.
As we mark the first anniversary of distancing from others, I’m concerned that my social skills are atrophying. Apparently, I’m in good company. Anecdotally many folks are reporting feeling socially awkward of late.
Other COVID Side Effects
Those of us fortunate enough to have sidestepped contracting COVID-19 are describing other physical maladies including deteriorating vision due to increased screen time, back and neck pains, and changes in weight and stamina. In addition, our emotional well-being is at risk. We’re reporting being more depressed and anxious, stressed and grouchy.
Although some experts believe most of us will bounce back, those with more severe anxieties may struggle post-pandemic. Nevertheless, along with worrying about contracting the virus, we may also worry about how to relate to others.
One expert who’s less sanguine about the fleeting side effects of isolation is Dr. Craig Haney. Haney is a social psychology professor at the University of California, Santa Cruz, who has done extensive research on the deleterious effects of isolation, specifically on inmates in solitary confinement.
Unlike our temporary situation, inmates can spend decades in confinement which often results in long-term anxieties. Even so, Haney labels the social isolation almost all of us have experienced to varying degrees, “a mild form of solitary confinement.”
Coronaphobia
A phobia can be defined as “an anxiety disorder characterized by persistent, excessive, unrealistic fear of an object, person, animal, activity or situation.” Phobias cause people to want to avoid activities that trigger those fears.
According to a group of researchers, cornonaphobia is widespread and represents a very specific kind of phobia brought on by the pandemic. One way to tamp down fears during the past months is to simply not leave home. Agoraphobia is the fear of being in crowded places (check) or of leaving home. Unfortunately, the longer we practice staying home, the more we get accustomed to interacting with others on a very limited basis.
One technique to overcome agoraphobia is what psychologists call, “graded exposure” or what we lay folk call, taking baby steps. Once the pandemic is under control, those of us who’ve experienced a touch of agoraphobia may not want to attend a concert or even go to a movie theater. But perhaps we might first gather somewhere with a small group of friends.
To better coax ourselves out of the house, we can choose to shop at smaller grocery shops rather than large supermarkets. Slow and steady is the way we can end our isolation.
Close Encounters
Close-talkers may have elicited mild annoyance pre-pandemic, but now, they might be perceived as a physical threat. Do we back away when people get too close or ask them to move?
At the start of sheltering-in-place, I encountered my precocious 6-year-old neighbor outdoors. As is typical of her, she greeted me and told me what game she was playing. When I moved closer to better hear, she said, “You can’t get that close to me!”
I don’t believe I’ll be quite as blunt with the next close-talker I encounter. I may, however, step away and explain that I don’t feel comfortable being that close. This same strategy can help if someone tries to shake hands or, perhaps, give a hug.
Early in the pandemic, I was approached by a stranger outside a grocery store, who thrust his hand out for me to shake. My instinct was to shake. For days afterward, I fretted over that instinctual response and was on high alert for COVID symptoms. Best to practice coping strategies in the privacy of our boudoirs in preparation for days to come.
Currently being a social being could seem like too much trouble. In time, I trust that most of us will learn to be around people again. We may have adjusted to life with minimal social interactions but we shouldn’t get too comfortable with our isolation. Venturing out little by little is the way to salvage our social skills. As the Roman lyric poet known as Horace once said, “Don’t think, just do.”