A Good Idea Gone Bad
On May 31st, top-ranking tennis pro Naomi Osaka withdrew from the French Open tennis tournament. Osaka cited mental health concerns as her reason. Her decision was precipitated by the requirement to participate in press conferences—answering questions that were sometimes insensitive and disturbing.
In her announcement, Osaka referenced bouts of depression and anxiety that she’s experienced since her 2018 victory over Serena Williams, which resulted in being booed and jeered by the audience. Osaka also noted that she is an introvert with social anxiety—public speaking is especially difficult for her.
The athletic community and the public at large were mostly supportive of Osaka’s decision and applauded her vulnerability except for a few notable dolts who suggested that she knew what was expected of her. If she didn’t want to live up to those expectations, she shouldn’t have entered professional sports, they contended.
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
For any of us who have ever experienced anxiety as a result of one of our life choices, Osaka’s struggles are relatable (financial rewards notwithstanding). Many of us have said of an earlier decision we made: “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
I am a stepmother and I provide support to other stepmoms through my counseling and coaching practice. For those of you who may have a sheltered view of the effects of living with other people’s kids and dealing with the drama of ex-partners, let me cite relevant statistics. Up to seventy percent of marriages with children from previous relationships end in divorce. This statistic does not count the many unions that are not legally recognized. It’s freakin’ hard.
Stepmothers’ struggles are often dismissed with the same “you knew what you were getting into” remark that was stated by Osaka’s detractors. Actually none of us knows what we’re getting into until we’re in it. Osaka thought she could handle the jeering and the endless, and sometimes intrusive, questions from journalists. Lovestruck stepmoms think they can handle being treated like an outsider or a second-class citizen. Hopeful (and sometimes desperate) employees who work under demanding or micromanaging supervisors believe they can persevere…until they can’t.
You likely remember the saga of Meghan Markle and her prince. Meghan thought she could withstand the scrutiny and the bullying, but being a Royal turned out to be a royal pain the ass.
Introversion and Social Anxiety
Naomi Osaka referred to herself as an introvert with social anxiety. Although social anxiety is more prevalent among introverts, not all introverts suffer from social anxiety.
Introversion is a personality trait, whereas social anxiety is a mental health condition. Introverts feel drained by too much social interaction and need time to recharge. What makes things tough on introverts is that our culture doesn’t value personality differences.
In our work and educational settings, we’re often forced to make presentations and collaborate with peers on projects. Few people enjoy either. But presentations and group projects may be particularly challenging for introverts.
In her book, Quiet, Susan Cain argues that our Western culture devalues introverts and attempts to change their personalities into extroverts. We’ve built our society around extroverts, she claims. Not only does undervaluing introverts cause harm to individuals, but organizations and societies fail to benefit from the thoughtful and deliberate natures that often accompany introversion.
Like most things, the introversion-extroversion trait lies on a spectrum—it isn’t a binary trait. For example, I consider myself to be an ambivert; I can swing either way. Sometimes I get recharged in social situations and sometimes the life force is drained from me by being around others. For me, the determining factors are how connected I feel with the others, the quality of the interactions and, of course, my mood.
Those who lean more toward introversion may find themselves in positions that require extroversion. Customer-facing positions or those that demand relentless public exposure and scrutiny are often very stressful for introverts. Addiction issues are common among introverts who try to transform themselves into extroverts.
Stereotype Threat and Depression
An additional stressor for Naomi Osaka is that she represents two underrepresented racial groups in a predominantly white profession. Osaka is of Haitian and Japanese descent.
Psychologists Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson coined the term stereotype threat in 1995 to describe situations in which minorities (people of color, women, people with disabilities) feel at risk of conforming to and reinforcing stereotypes about their group. As a result, they may overfunction and experience great stress. Anxiety and depression can be byproducts of stereotype threat.
Osaka has a triple whammy: a woman who is both Asian and Black. Any woman who has fought back tears in the workplace, or any Black who has carefully monitored his or her language in order to sound “less Black,” or any Asian who resists being viewed as deferential knows the pressure of stereotype threat.
Risk Taking
Regardless of personality trait or chance of threat, the benefits of taking calculated risks are often rewarding, if for no other reason than boosting self-esteem. I doubt Osaka regrets her years preparing for and participating in professional tennis. Merkle doesn’t appear to regret marrying her prince. But taking a risk doesn’t mean continually subjecting oneself to assault of any magnitude.
We may take risks, make adjustments and honor ourselves as we move forward to the next contest. My guess is that Osaka and the rest of us will have many opportunities to make winning serves in the future.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
—Stephen Hawking